Then I started thinking about how patience is one of the fruits of the spirit. How important it can be to wait, and to stay calm when things aren't exactly going to plan. (I really like when things stick to a plan.)
This is a small example (metaphor?) for the larger picture of where my life is at right now. And you know what?
I am tired of waiting.
I am actually almost in tears thinking about all of the things I'm still waiting for. All of the areas of life that are still loose ends at best. All of the things I wish would just get started!
There was a time in college when I used to have an internal monologue that went something like: "Just get through this week. Then things will get better." "If I just make it through two more months, then I can catch up on seeing friends/reading that book/sleep/all the cleaning, etc." "It's not great, but after this semester, things will turn around."
I was waiting for everything to be over, only to get to some other colossal mountain of stuff to wait out. But the funny thing is, when I only concentrate on some bad thing finally ending, I miss the good stuff that's going on in my life at the same time.
Tonight driving home, I had the windows down and the music turned up. It was great. That could have been this morning, too. But I was too caught up in the frustrating part of my situation.
As you might guess, I am excited about being in Belize. It sucks to know that all of this work is leading to something I really want, and can't yet have. It's hard to wait for the right time to step into a calling. And it's in my nature to just work harder and faster, in hopes that we will cover more ground and be able to get ahead of schedule.
But God's got a different way of doing things. One that is somehow contrary to the way I am hardwired. I can't explain it, but I can try to seek a way of following God's plan. (Instead of making my own plan and getting God's stamp of approval.)
Would your wealth or even all your mighty efforts sustain you so you would not be in distress? Remember to extol his work, which men have praised in song.
How great is God - beyond our understanding!
- Job 36: 19, 24, 26
Time to roll down the windows and crank up the music. We'll get there eventually.